Children: To Have or Not To Have?

To have or not to have, when it comes to children?

There are many ethical, moral, and philosophical questions and answers to this debate.

Maybe you want a few children, as it’s the family size you’ve already dreamt of.

Or maybe you don’t want children because you value your own company or simply don’t like them.

But who’s right and who’s wrong? 

Should you really let someone else’s opinion on the internet dictate your life plans? Or maybe those Redditors are actually right? Who knows! 

In this article, I aim to deliver the common arguments from both sides to help you make the best decision yourself!

The Moral Argument

I’ve often read online where people ask, “Do you really want to bring a child into the world we’re living in today?” 

Many folks have decided not to bring children into this world today. With the ecosystem getting worse every year, crime rates increasing, and how hard inflation is hitting everyone, they say that it’s not morally right to bring kids into this world.

That might be true to an extent.

But to that, I’d say, when has it ever been moral? Was it morally right for the children born in the 1930s-1940s to be brought into a war-torn world? Or for the children in less fortunate countries and families to be brought into a life without privilege? 

Maybe bringing children into the world is more morally good right if you’re rich then! 

Then what about the children born into royal families? They’re confined to a life as birds trapped in a cage the moment they’re born and are brought into this world to be used as pawns.

But humanity has always changed and evolved with the times and alongside the manmade troubles we make for ourselves. 

Of course, I can’t give you any assurance that your child won’t suffer in this world. But don’t let this argument stop you if you really want a child!

The Advocates’ Argument

Maybe you care about a certain cause more than having kids. That’s an interesting personal reason that I’ve heard! 

Many individuals choose not to have children when they’re extremely active in their advocacy.

It could be environmental causes, animal rights, or social justice. So maybe you think it would be hypocritical of you to have children who produce a bunch of waste and carbon emissions when you preach sustainability?

Or you’d rather be fighting for women’s rights instead of your baby’s bottle at four in the morning.

In this case, I guess it would be a reason that’s moral enough, right? Choosing to sacrifice having a child to better the world!

The Freedom Argument 

Did you know that out of 100 parents interviewed, 100% of them said their children would not allow you to wake up at 2 pm on a weekend and slowly drink their coffee while flipping through Netflix? (This is not based on real statistics, by the way…)

And what about privacy? 

Imagine having to take a dump while answering why the sky is blue from behind the door!  

And they’re expensive! So say goodbye to your dreams of carrying your Birkin bag into ION if you have kids. 

Lastly, the thought that another human’s life is completely in your hands is a very scary thought!

18 years is a long time to commit to something. And as they say, it only takes a moment to taint something you’ve been building for a lifetime.

These are all valid reasons. 

Contrary to what some pro-lifers, the elderly, or society have guilt-tripped you into believing, you shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting children.

 Don’t Feel Bad if You Don’t Want Kids!

Everyone’s on a different path in life. We all have different values and goals too. 

I love children, so I want a few of my own. But my friend wants a free life where she can travel wherever and whenever she wants to. So no kids for her!  

I have a friend who’s a religious Christian and believes children are a gift from God. 

But my other friend, who was brought up in a religious household, denounces her family’s faith and whatever she finds “ridiculous,” which includes the notion that women have to be child bearers.

Once again, it’s us who are living our own lives at the end of the day, not anyone else. We all have our reasons for wanting or not wanting children, and they’re all valid. 

Then How Many Children Would Be Ideal?

This is a fun thought to have, eh?

There are many ways to approach this.

If you’re religious, then embrace them as they come, I guess.

Or maybe I should take this time to bring up Singapore’s declining birth rate to be patriotic. 

So as many as you can! Go crazy!

Just kidding.

Each number comes with its pros and cons.

Just One? 

Having one child would be great for you. It’s as low-maintenance as it can be. 

But what about your child? 

We all know at least one only child who’s self-centred and doesn’t respect boundaries. And do you want your child to miss out on the great experience of having siblings?

Did you know that ⅔ of single children wish they had siblings?

Maybe Two Then… 

Singaporeans seem to love this choice.

It’s nice, right? The oldest isn’t lonely, and each child can teach the other responsibility!

Alright, Third Time’s The Charm 

Three also seems to be a popular choice!

I grew up as a middle child. So right away, I wouldn’t recommend it…

The middle child syndrome is real, people!

From my observations, parents typically exhaust their attention and efforts on the first child. When the 2nd comes, they realise how many corners they can cut with this one. But when the 3rd comes, they feel rejuvenated to try again!

That’s great for the oldest and youngest, but not for us middles. The love from our siblings isn’t enough to compensate for the lack of yours.

So if you’d like to have three children, don’t neglect any of them! That’s all I gotta say about this.

Four and Above?! 

Yay, your second and third kids get to skip the middle child syndrome!

There’d never be a dull moment at home! 

But can you afford so many children with the rising costs of living? 

You wouldn’t want your child to miss out on swimming classes or school trips, right? So be a responsible parent and only have as many kids as you can afford!

Conclusion

Maybe you simply don’t want kids, and this article proves your point on why having children is bad.

Or maybe you do want children, and this article helped you to make the right choice.

Whatever it is, at the end of the day, there has never been a better or worse time in history to have children. So if you want them, go ahead! And if you don’t, there’s absolutely nothing to feel shame about.