So you were folding the laundry the other day when you heard laughter. You freaked out momentarily, thinking it was a ghost, but then you remembered that you had a young child.
“Silly me,” you thought. But then… you start hearing chatter.
So you check on your child and see them having a conversation with… no one. A chill runs down your spine, and you ask them who they’re talking to, and they introduce you to their “friend.”
“Oh, I see. Ok then, I’ll leave you two to play,” and you close the door. But you haven’t been able to shake the feeling off since that day, and maybe you have many questions.
Is this normal? Do other children have “friends”? Is my child possessed? What should I do?!
Well, don’t freak out yet, parents. Because imaginary friends are usually normal in early childhood! Until they’re not… I’m just joking.
So what’s not considered normal then? Let’s find out together!
Firstly, An Imaginary Friend Is Normal and They Can Even Be Beneficial!
Children usually start having an imaginary friend at around 3 to 6 years old.
During this time, they’re starting to be aware of their surroundings, and they’re starting to get curious.
An imaginary friend can be a way for your child to cope by having a “friend” to lean on if Mummy scolds them or a “friend’s” hand to hold if they’re scared to go to the bathroom alone at night!
And of course, it’s another playmate too.
This Is Why You Shouldn’t Be Concerned.
I can go on and on about the importance of children being imaginative and the benefits of engaging in fantasy play.
This fantasy play could include pretending to be a chef at a restaurant they own, pretending to be Mummy or Daddy when they’re playing ‘House’, or going on a picnic with their imaginary friend Stacy.
When your child’s in fantasy play, they’re trying something new from real life that they’ve always wanted to do in a safe environment. They’ll also learn social cues, emotional intelligence, and conflict resolution!
And an imaginary friend doesn’t spring up out of nowhere, you know! Your child needs to create another being in their mind and a story for them.
I’m sure as a teenager or even until now, you’ve had at least one imaginary fantasy world that you escaped to when you were bored or stressed.
So your child is doing the same, and this is their way of coping.
And isn’t it impressive that they can build a whole world in their minds with whatever limited experience they have in life?
Furthermore, now you know that they’re actively using their brains to think!
Then What’s Not Normal?
(Credits: Global Student Network)
Ok, I’m not religious, so I can’t help you if you suspect your child to be possessed.
But possession aside, you should be concerned if you notice that your child can’t differentiate between fantasy and reality, even though they’re older.
Your child can tell fantasy from reality at 4 to 5 years old, but the line might still be blurred.
They could watch Narnia and know Mr. Tumnus the faun to be fake, but they might think that some lions can talk like Aslan because lions are real.
But at 6, the line should be clearing up, and by 7 to 11 years old, they should be able to think more realistically.
However, remember what I said about teenagers and adults having imaginary worlds that we escape to when we need to relax? So don’t be too concerned. It’s a phase in most human’s lives.
But when should you start to get concerned then?
When Should I Get Concerned?
You should get concerned if you notice your child changing negatively and they say it’s their imaginary friend telling them to do it.
If their imaginary friend is hindering your child’s development or learning, like speaking gibberish, not wanting to speak “normally” or even speaking, “Stacy” has to go.
If “Josh” has been telling your child to not talk to anyone, especially their family members and friends, or to not do anything at all, he has to go.
If their imaginary friend has “voices” in their head, never stops talking, and never leaves, they need to go! Especially if mental illnesses run in your family tree.
And if the imaginary friend has been encouraging them to defy you, show bad behaviour, be aggressive, or do anything dangerous like running with a knife or touching the fire on the stove, then “Bilboe” definitely has to go!
What Should I Do Then?
This is where you have to tread lightly because we get so offended when someone disrespects our friends, right?
So observe your child for a while. Look at how they treat “Stacy,” how they talk to her, and what they usually do together.
You’ll also want to find out more about “Stacy,” so ask questions about “Stacy.”
When you’re confident, you can go in and engage with your child and “Stacy.” Play along with them and interact with “Stacy” the same way your child is. If “Stacy” asks you to sing, sing.
Once you’ve befriended “Stacy,” you can start to find out what her intentions are. And if she’s your friend, you could kindly get her to stop or change her intentions!
But if all else fails, bring your child to see a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist can assess your child and diagnose them if the situation is worse than you thought or help you cut their imaginary friend off if need be.
Conclusion
Imaginary friends are a normal part of most children’s childhood, and they can even be beneficial!
But it’s a cause for concern if their imaginary friend begins harming your child, or if your family has a history of mental illnesses.
In that case, taking your child to see a psychiatrist to get assessed can help your child and put your mind at ease too!
And if “Stacy” is taking too much of your child’s time during school, SmileTutor can help your child catch up!
We even offer English tuition, Chinese tuition and more!
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