It’s easy to be angry.
But to be in control while you’re angry? That’s the hard part.
When we’re agitated, we think about doing things that follow those emotions. But most of us don’t do it because we know we’re being impulsive.
Confucius says it best: “When anger rises, think of the consequences.”
Consequences tie us down, so that we don’t make bad decisions. But sometimes, boiling anger can overtake reason, and push us to do things we don’t usually do!
In the end, how much stress you can take matters less.
Instead, address it at its roots; you have to learn to become someone who can always be in control of your emotions. Someone with a strong mentality.
Think it’s easier said than done? Well, read on and judge for yourself!
Why Do You Feel Angry and Stressed All the Time?
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The first step to being the one in control, is to understand why.
Knowing the causes is the first and most important step to help yourself!
Why are you constantly angsty? Why do you always feel slightly annoyed, and less tolerant of minor inconveniences?
A delay as the morning lift moves too slowly to your liking. Your bus is a bit more crowded than usual so you have to squeeze in. Going home and being told to take a shower immediately.
All of these small things push your buttons, even if they don’t mean to. You often feel this way, using minor inconveniences as justification for a bad day. And in the end, you just have no clue why you’re so on edge.
Well, here’s why!
You’re a “Yes-man”!
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You’re riding too much along with the waves and whims of others.
Put simply, you have weak boundaries. When you feel like saying no, you say yes instead in order to please the other party. You do things for others not willingly, but out of your own sense of ‘obligation’ like a sycophant.
Because you’re always acting against your own interests, you feel constantly drained and depleted. But you may not know it yourself, and this can become a constant source of stress that builds up frustration unknowingly.
You’re VERY Sleep-Deprived!
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You must’ve heard this one, once or twice before. Did someone say this to you out of concern for your worsening eye bags? When you don’t get enough sleep or submerge yourself too deeply into work that you neglect rest, your emotional coping skills take a hit for you.
Without rest, your mind becomes weary and vulnerable to stimuli. This is why sleep-deprived students always look so moody nearing important exams!
Get some rest!
You’re Doing Too Much!
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For the busy and accomplished completionists, it might be your ‘sense of urgency’ that is causing you trouble. You see, anger can also stem from wanting to control everything or doing too much in one go!
In today’s fast-paced society, we expect things to be on schedule. We are less accepting of mistakes. We put more scrutiny on being perfect and productive in our workplace, studies and relationships.
We’re not saying to pull the brakes on your work. Instead, introduce more ‘me time’ into your routine.
Take a step back and give time for yourself to breathe. A hobby, short breaks, or perhaps just letting some work grievances go can be the solution!
You May Have Hidden Anxiety Issues
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Perhaps it’s anxiety. The feeling of being overwhelmed. Or maybe it’s the feeling of never being good enough? You may be the type that has to work doubly hard to manage your own emotional state. And when challenges come your way, you’re more likely to be maxed out… and this often takes the form of a short fuse!
“Why can’t you support me? Aren’t you my family?”
Feelings like being isolated, alone, invisible, neglected or not being understood are all part of this anxiety, which can make us lash out at people close to us.
How to Control Your Emotions and Manage Your Stress
Here’s some suggestions to effectively manage your anger!
Be Self-Aware
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It’s quite obvious, but knowing that you’re angry keeps you away from taking impulsive actions. Notice any kind of negative thought that can trigger your irritation.
When you become aware of your early warning signs, you’ve already won half the battle!
Take Deep Breaths
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Deep breaths. Breathe in, and breathe out. Repeat this a few times to calm yourself down. Do it enough times, and you’ll have gained a reflex that can get you calm before anger even hits you!
It’s not easy at first, sure. But you have to give it a try!
And if it’s too hard at the moment, call for a time out! Take a break if things start to escalate. Continue the conversation only when everyone has cooled off.
Do Not Blame Others
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We’re always so quick to push the blame and responsibility unto others. But sometimes, fault lies in you too! One good way to stay rational is to ALWAYS, and we mean always speak out without pointing fingers.
The act of blame-pushing is never productive and always ends up with unpleasant feelings for everyone. Find the problem, and find the solution. That’s how you settle these emotional disputes without miscommunication!
Have an Open Mind
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As Bruce Lee once said, “Be like water”. In order to live life with a broader and open perspective, we must learn to be formless. We should not allow ourselves to be trapped in a certain mindset.
Find out what, why, when, where, how. Reach a conclusion that you can be satisfied with after approaching your dilemma from all angles to avoid biases that develop from your personal emotions.
Plan ahead
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We always say that hindsight is 20/20. We only know of the ‘right answers’ after everything has happened. This is why we have regrets, and why we always feel like we’re not handling situations in the best way possible.
Well, how about honing your people’s skills? Conflict management is a skill that’s extremely important in this day and age. Gain the foresight to handle difficult situations through experience, lots of preparation, and understanding of people.
When you’ve become a reliable figure like that, people will even eventually COME to you to consult about their problems!
Ask for Help!
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There’s many more ways to relieve yourself of stress that you can find online. But in the end, no one knows you more than yourself.
If nothing works for you, ask for help. There is no shame in calling out for someone. When people struggle, we help each other out!
Do not let your environment define you!
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Lashing out in anger is often one of the factors that causes families to become estranged.
But in the same vein, “Love implies anger.” Edward Abbey, a well-known author says.
“The man who is angered by nothing, cares about nothing.”
Be angry. Be sad. Let your emotions flow, but remember! Never let anger control you!
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