Have you ever thought about what ‘confidence’ even means?
I think most of us grew up with the same notion that confidence is something that some people are just born with or get after they glow up.
But the word is subjective to everyone.
Everyone, and I mean literally everyone, has a different vision, understanding, and goal of what the word means.
As a teenager, confidence meant looking like a Victoria’s Secret Angel. But as an adult now, confidence to me is being intelligent, witty, and outspoken.
And I’m sure most of us would assume confidence comes with good looks, right? After all, why would a 10/10 model not be confident?
So it’s always a shock when they reveal their insecurities.
And maybe you still don’t believe them. “They’re just saying it to look relatable for social media and the likes.”
But then it begs the question, “What is Confidence?”
What Is Confidence?
There are many meanings to the word. But according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, being confident could refer to your abilities and powers when you’re in a certain situation.
Or it could also be a state where you’re certain of something or have a good self-image!
But today, we’ll be focussing on these three definitions.
Confidence Vs. Cockiness
In Asia, we’re taught to be humble. And even if we’re not, the people around us will try to humble us anyway. Because humility is a core value in many Asian communities.
However, most people often confuse cockiness with confidence. But there is an important difference to note between them.
Confidence is when your abilities match your self-judgement of them, while cockiness means you overestimate your abilities.
Of course, I hate cocky people too! It can be such an overkill.
But being cocky can be good for you too!
Some cocky people are just delusional. But on the other side of the spectrum, they’re also not afraid to believe in themselves and to chase their dreams and aspirations!
So what’s wrong with being cocky sometimes?
My Personal Philosophy on Confidence.
Confidence to me means having the courage to go for what you want and being self-assured.
Many people have asked me why and how I’m so confident.
What’s my secret?
Well, there isn’t a secret. But I do have a few simple reasons for why everyone should be confident, and it all combines into one big idea.
But the weird thing is that it’s such a simple one, but people never understand it for some reason.
And the one big idea is simply, ‘Why shouldn’t you be confident?’
It’s as simple as that! What about you warrants insecurity and makes you unworthy of being your truest confident self?
At the core of the idea, we’re all unique enough to be worth celebrating our individuality. And we’ve all been given the gift of life. So we should do ourselves justice by celebrating our lives.
So there’s no better way to live than at our best, which is when we’re… confident!
What Makes Up My Philosophy?
Firstly, do you know what the odds of you even being born are? That number is 1: 400,000,000,000,000! So we should be seeing life as a divine gift for us to do something great with.
And life is just better when you do something with more confidence anyway. You feel better while doing it, and the results are better too!
Secondly, René Descartes said, ‘Cogito, Ergo Sum’.
‘I think, therefore I am’.
Everyone who exists is so unique in their own way of thinking and how they choose to live their life. So what’s not to celebrate, and why shouldn’t you be confident in yourself?
You’re literally the only person who’s you. People might share your name, and your 6 doppelgangers somewhere around the world might look like you. But no one else is you.
Maybe some people have pushed you down and tried to force you into a box before. But trust me when I say that those people are either jealous or insecure around you, or just have a sad life.
So be yourself. I know that’s cheesy, but you get my point!
Thirdly, I beg you to look deeper. I know it’s hard to be confident as a teenager when you might always be broke, have greasy hair, and a zitty face, or an adult because you’re still living with your parents and don’t have half of the 5C’s yet.
But is that really a valid enough reason to not be confident?
Because when you strip everything material off of everyone at the end of the day, what’s left is just who we truly are.
So you can choose to be a confident and charming person at the end of the day or an insecure one.
Lastly, is this really the life you want to live? A life where you’re held back, not by anyone else but yourself!
I used to think I was setting “realistic expectations” so I wouldn’t be disappointed. Not very confident, eh?
But one day, I realised that you set “realistic expectations” because you’re afraid of failing. And they’re “realistic” because you’ve achieved them before.
So when you do that, you’re holding yourself back by wanting what you already have. And you’re not able to reach further than what you’ve already achieved!
Why’re you doing that to yourself? What’s stopping you from being able to achieve more?
It’s just you.
So don’t just aim for the stars; aim to go beyond the Milky Way!
Be confident in your abilities, and be confident that you can and will achieve more! Be Hungry!
So, How Do You Be Confident?
I know, I know. It’s hard to be confident when everyone around you seems to be doing better than you are. But as I said, confidence is deeper than that.
So if you’d like to be confident now, let go of your preconceived notions of confidence, and read on!
Reflect, Reflect, Reflect
There are three things you mainly need to reflect on, to start your journey to confidence: your past, present, and future.
Think about what’s holding you back right now and what has held you back in the past. How can you get over them and make sure it’s a thing of your past?
Sit down and make a list of your good and bad traits and things you love and hate about yourself. Among these traits, which do you want to embody every day? But which traits do you want to improve on, and how can you do that?
Then think about your future. What do you want it to look like, and how can you get there? Having a 1, 2, or even 5-year plan can empower you to take action.
Become Who You Want To Be
Close your eyes right now and visualise yourself as the dream person you want to be.
Who is that? And how would they act?
Now, this is where ‘faking it till you make it’ really comes in handy. Because from now on, you’re going to live, acting as that person. One day, you’ll look in the mirror and realise how you’ve actually become them.
Get Adventurous!
You know what’s the quickest way to be confident?
Getting out of your comfort zone!
Whenever you’re uncomfortable, you learn so much about yourself. And you reflect on what you could’ve done differently.
That builds character, resilience, and confidence in your abilities!
You don’t have to start with something spine-chilling. It could literally be something as small as going out for a meal by yourself (and not using your phone!), or approaching your crush to talk to them, and holding eye contact!
Lastly, Be Kind To Yourself
(Credits: The Love and Kindness Project)
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
So don’t feel bad if you wanted to go for recess alone, but ended up sitting with your friends. Take it slowly, one step at a time!
Forgive yourself for any mistakes. You’re human after all!
Conclusion
Confidence might seem like a myth or something unattainable.
But it can be achieved quite simply, but it takes time.
Reaching confidence is a destination, but the journey matters as well. So don’t rush it, and be kind to yourself.
If you’re ever in doubt, even if no one in this world believes in you, believe in yourself. You’ve got this!
If doing better in school will make you more confident, Smiletutor can help with that!
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